


The Cruise

by derp2lol (Ihere)



Series: PoliceForcestuck [15]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Backstory, Cheating, Cruise, F/F, F/M, Vacation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-23
Updated: 2012-09-15
Packaged: 2017-11-12 17:33:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/493876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ihere/pseuds/derp2lol
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Officers Harley and Vantas go on vacation together, but it turns out to be less relaxing then they hoped.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

Karkat Vantas is up at the crack of dawn holding a small suitcase. He is just leaving his apartment building to be greeted by two friends. One of those friends holds a long slip of paper more commonly known as a ticket. 

“This is your pass Mr. Vantas,” jade blooded troll Ms. Maryam informs. “I hope you have a delightful and safe vacation.” Karkat takes the ticket out of her hand and slips it into his jacket’s pocket.

“Thanks Kanaya. I’ll try to get some relaxation out of this.”

The troll’s other friend grabs him into a tight hug; “I’m going to miss you bro!” he sniffs. 

“Gamzee get the fuck off of me!” Karkat pushes his moirail away. “I’m only going to be gone for a week, so calm the fuck down.”

“Sorry bro, you’re just my favorite motherfucker,” the high blood troll wipes his nose on this hand, and then to the much disgust of Ms. Maryam, he proceeds to dry his hand with his ridiculous pants.

Kanaya holds back her bile, “Mr. Makara I thought I gave you a fair supply of tissues!”

“I’m sorry sis,” he pulls out a bundle of tissues from his pockets, “I all forgot about these crazy shits. I’m such a horrible motherfucker sis!” Gamzee throws his arms open to Kanaya sobbing, “I need a motherfucking hug!”

“Most certainly not!” The female troll lifts a knee just a little for readiness, “I do know several styles of self-defense Mr. Makara. I’m not afraid to use it, and I will tell you that I’m quite fond of a punt between the legs.” The tall troll just continues to let his tears run down his face.

“But-“

“Gamzee fucking stop it!” Karkat orders. “You don’t need to be charged with sexual assault again.” The troll rubs the tiredness out of his eyes, “Sorry about that Kanaya; he can’t always control that idiotic brain of his.”

The female slowly lowers her leg cautious, “Yes well then. You have the directions for the trip Mr. Vantas?”

“Yeah and you really outdid yourself this time Kanaya,” the officer compliments. “A fucking cruise. I can’t even afford those.”

Kanaya reveals a small smile on her face, “Indeed, but with a last minute registration, the prices are conveniently low.”

“Not to mention the best part,” Karkat continues a rare grin starting to form, “No fucker is going to drive five fucking hours to get to the boat. I’m the only one desperate enough for the task. A cruise away from everyone I hate is a fucking dream come true!”

“Well I’m sure everyone is going to miss your positive attitude Mr. Vantas.”

“What was that?”

“What was what Mr. Vantas?”

Karkat cocks an eyebrow up, “Was that sarcasm?” The female troll thinks for a second.

“I do believe so Mr. Vantas.”

“Well it’s annoying like a bratty teenage girl getting her ‘change to womanhood,’ whatever that is. The movies treat it like the apocalypse.”

“Then I’m sure your knowledge is a hundred percent accurate Mr. Vantas.”

“There it is again. Who’s the fucker that taught you sarcasm?”

Kanaya starts to inspect her nails with a newfound interest, “Oh just some . . friend.”

“Wow someone I already hate. Do I know this asshole?”

“Would you look at that,” Kanaya says with her cellular device out, “You should leave and I need to go back to the department. Have fun.” And the troll dashes as properly as she can to the police department.

Karkat rolls his eyes, “Great, now I have that to think about when I’m supposed to be relaxing. Fucking thanks Kanaya.”

“Don’t worry bro,” Gamzee encourages trying to hold himself together, “I’m sure you’ll have the best motherfucking time. You just need to clear out your head and slam a cold one.”

“I’m sure that’s easier for you than it is for me Gamzee,” Karkat criticizes. “Some of us actually have things to think and worry about.”

“Whoa seriously bro? Do we have to have a feelings jam before you get your ass outta here?”

“No Gamzee, we definitely do not need a fucking feelings jam.” Karkat sighs, “I just have a lot on my mind about the mayor’s kidnapping.”

“You still got your mind surrounded by that guy? You need to relax like a motherfucker bro. Maybe when you get back you can slam a Faygo with the fucker, and you could invite your best bro along for support!”

“Yeah Gamzee, I’m sure inviting some leader of an evil organization will totally want to drink a fucking fizzy drink with me. I just need to find his Grub damn phone number!” Karkat tugs at his messy hair, “Are you an idiot?” 

“I don’t even want to know bro. What you call idiots, I call life’s little miracles.”

“You know what Gamzee? I got to get the fuck out of here now.” Karkat walks over to Gamzee’s car that he is borrowing. “I’ll see you in a week. Try not to get hurt, and don’t stick anything into the microwave. I mean it. Nothing goes in there.”

“Sure thing bro, I won’t even though my pies bake so much faster in there. And sticking things in there is so motherfucking cool. They can either twist all up around themselves or just plain explode into millions of tiny miracles.”

“No see Gamzee, this is exactly why I’m forbidding you from using the microwave,” Karkat says from inside the horribly purple car.

Gamzee kneels next to the car and wraps his fingers around the open car window of the driver’s, “Hey bro, can I come?”

“What the- No Gamzee you can’t come! There’s only one fucking ticket,” to prove it Karkat holds up said ticket.

“Naw not for that, for the ride. I want to ride alongside with my bro gazing at the motherfucking trees and shit. Won’t the ride be hard for you?”

Karkat is not impressed, “I’m sure your influence is more likely to cause me an accident. Besides, I have all I need with this,” he holds up in his right hand a ridiculously large cup of coffee, “and this,” and in his left hand he holds a pack of cigarettes with a lighter. “I’ll be fine.”

“Did you say goodbye to all your officer friends?”

“Nope, they’ll find out soon enough. The only people who have to know are Chief Jack-Ass and Kanaya. You too because I know you’ll somehow get killed trying to find me.”

“Well bye then bro,” Gamzee back away and waves good-bye. His moirail brings up the window and reeves up the car. Karkat signals goodbye and leaves the street to soon leave Skaia.

After a five hour drive; which was long and draining, Karkat finally enters a small city by the seaside. 

The troll pulls into a parking station nearby the sea. He abandons the car and walks over with his suitcase. Ignoring all the markets and other citizens of the city, he arrives at the docks.

At the docks there are all numerous boats of every type waiting to depart. Karkat quickly finds the cruise boat towering over the others. He walks up to an attendant woman waiting to receive tickets. She quickly takes his ticket, examines it and greets him aboard the S.S. Trident. The troll walks up the ramp and onto the boat. On the deck Karkat can see families, young groups of friends and fresh couples aboard settling in. 

Karkat heads towards the front desk inside to check in. He rings the bell, “Hello sir,” the receptionist salutes. “You are aboard the S.S. Trident, named for the famous symbol of troll history. How may I help you today?”

“I’m here to check in.”

The man takes notice of the troll’s luggage, “Ahh I see, well if you give me your name I can find your room.”

“I’m Karkat Vantas.”

“Mr. Vantas,” the receptionist hums, “I found you! Your room is number 669; a suite room.” Karkat silently thanks Kanaya for this great opportunity. “If you’ll sign here,” he lends the troll a sign-in sheet and pen. Karkat quickly fills out his name and returns the paper. “Wonderful, I’ll have a bellhop bring your things to your room. Here’s your key,” he hands Karkat a plastic key card, “and in your room you’ll find a list of activities. Along with the list of what you already signed and paid for. I hope you have a wonderful visit with us on the S.S. Trident.”

Karkat nods his head and turns away as a lowly bellhop takes his suitcase away. The troll decides that he deserves a nice smoke outside to say farewell to the land for a week.

He moves to the railings and with ease pulls out his over half empty pack of cigarettes and his grey lighter. Karkat brings a cigarette to his lips and lights his bitter delight. Inhaling and exhaling, the troll feels like he can finally start to relax. Nothing can stop his isolation on this boat. Just him and the servants caring for his needs. A chance for him to get away from the mess that is Skaia.

The troll’s thoughts move to his coworkers; a task he would rather avoid. Karkat starts to wonder if he should have said goodbye. It’s not like they will be sad that he left, but it might have been polite to say a few words. Maybe he’ll get Jade and Vriska a cheap key chain from the gift shop; that’ll keep them happy, right? He’s already going to get Gamzee something stupid to lighten the imbecile’s stricken demeanor. Maybe a child’s toy, he likes those stupid things; maybe one that honks but those tend to make Gamzee scared. Whatever, Karkat will figure it out later. However he will have to get a real gift for Kanaya for this trip. What does she like?

Suddenly, out of the blue, a large, white German Shepard canine bounds towards him from across the ship. The dog jumps on the troll; causing Karkat to drop his smoke into the sea, “Shit! What the fuck are you doing?” He pushes the creature away with all his might, but his efforts are pointless. “What do you want you stupid dog?”

“Bec! Bec!” A woman’s voice calls out. “Come back here!” Karkat looks up from the dog to see a woman with rich black hair running towards him. Despite her change of clothes to a comfortable summer appeal; Karkat recognized her immediately. 

“No. No! Fucking No!”

“Karkat?” Jade says surprised, “What are you doing here with my dog? Come here Bec!” The dog retreats back to his master for hugs and licks.

“No!” The troll turns to the exiting ramp to find out that the ship has already set off from the land. “No! I can’t stay here!” Karkat turns around and tries to abandoned ship only to have Jade predict his actions and hold him back.

Somewhere five hours away, two females sit at a small coffee shop.

“You know Rose, I still don’t understand your sudden inspiration to have Mr. Vantas and Ms. Harley aboard on the same ship for vacation,” Kanaya converses. “They both expressed a supreme dislike for sharing a vacation.”

Rose adds a little sugar to her tea, “Trust me Kanaya, they’ll have a blast. It’s good for them to spend time together where they can avoid Skaia’s stress.”

“Whatever you say, but they’ll probably get mad at me.”

“You worry too much dear. Now how’s your new outfit coming along?”


	2. Chapter Two

“Jade, what the Grub loving fuck are you doing here?” Karkat speaks slowly to the human trying to hold back his rage. Jade sits with her dog, Bec, near the edge of the boat giving him love and kisses. “Jade!”

“Huh oh sorry Karkat, I thought I lost Bec before,” she explains. “He’s such a good dog isn’t he? Best friend!” The woman hugs her canine tightly, but the creature does not mind the embrace rather he enjoys it earnestly. 

Karkat has just an ant-sized amount of patience before he cracks, “Pay attention Harley! What are you doing here?”

“Well,” Jade starts breaking away from her dog, “when I found out that you were going on vacation, why shouldn’t I? I had the time, needed the break and that way neither of us had to work without the partner for a week!”

“Then why in the ever loving fuck did you choose here?”

“I didn’t Mister Grumpy Face; seriously you should lighten up when we’re on a boat.” Jade stands up from the hard wood floor, “Kanaya arranged my vacation like yours! I’m not very good at managing my activities for this, and she knows better spots than I do.”

“Kanaya,” Karkat scorns with realization. “Give me one fucking second, oh wait we’re stuck here for a week; never fucking mind.” The troll pulls out his mobile phone and quickly searches his contacts for the jade troll’s number. The phone rings while Karkat taps his foot on the ground impatiently with his partner watching at the sidelines. 

“Hello Mr. Vantas,” the voice on the other line greets.

“You. You did this,” he snarls.

“I’m afraid that I don’t understand,” she replies stifling a laugh. “I gave you a wonderful vacation destination and yet you are speaking to me with such despise. Is something not to your approval?”

“You stuck me here with Jade! Are you fucking with me?”

“I’m sorry Mr. Vantas but there is no fucking between us.”

“No fucking no, your stupid ‘friend’ set you up to do this; along with that sarcasm of yours. Admit it.”

“Now Mr. Vantas let’s be rash here. You gave me a small budget, and Ms. Harley requested a vacation as well. By combining the two, I was able to give both of you a vacation for a lower price because the cost was split.”

“Wait a second, the only way to do that would mean,” Karkat grasps. He turns to Jade who was busy listening to one side of the conversation, “What’s your room number?”

“Uh six-six-nine.”

The troll turns back to the phone more serious than ever, “You stuck us in the same fucking room?”

“It’s big enough Mr. Vantas that the two of you can share. Tell me, is that room going to be a ‘fucking room?’ Have you and Ms. Harley worked out a schedule to share time, or . . .”

“No! Fuck you for saying that, fuck me for hearing it, fuck Harley for being here, fuck her dog for attacking me, and fuck you for being you.” The other passengers of the boat take notice of Karkat’s little outburst and make sure they back away as quickly as possible.

“You seem to have a lot of anger in you right now Mr. Vantas.”

Karkat sighs, “There’s no way for me to get out of this with my money back is there?”

“I’m sorry but no.”

“Bye Kanaya.”

“Bye Mr. Va-“ The troll hangs up. He turns to his partner of the law, “We’re stuck sharing the same room this week.”

Jade shakes her head disappointed, “I know Karkat, I was right here when you screamed, remember?”

“Shut up Harley I’m talking. Now I’m going to find a separate room from you and avoid you for as long as I can. Have a nice fucking week.” The troll turns around and heads off to the front desk leaving behind the woman and her dog.

“Karkat!” She says behind the exiting troll, “Don’t you want to at least see the room? Maybe there’s a couch or a pull-out bed!”

“Just ignore her Vantas,” Karkat tells himself. “This will all be a horrible nightmare soon enough. That woman and her dog will be a painful memory to suppress in a minute just like all the others.” He walks up to the front desk where he signed-in in the first place. “I need a new room.”

“I’m sorry?” the receptionist looks up confused.

“I want a different room,” the troll demands.

“Was there something wrong with yours? A mix-up perhaps?”

“My vacation planner forced me into a room with someone else without my permission.”

“Oh your girlfriend, yes she seems very nice,” he comments.

“She’s not my fucking girlfriend!”

“Oh dear.”

“I want a different room.”

The receptionist fumbles around on his computer for a second before turning back to the troll, “I’m sorry sir, but all rooms are full. I can request a temporary bed to be added into your room free of charge.”

“I can believe this, and you’re serious,” Karkat rubs his face annoyed, “Fine, I’ll make Harley sleep on that.” The troll wonders what he can do until now to avoid the woman. “Is there a bar nearby?”

“Yes sir, but it’s a bit early in the day to-“ But Karkat has already made his escape.

Several hours later.

“Knock knock.”

Jade Harley opens the door to her suite to find her partner intoxicated. “I take it that you couldn’t find another room?” she jokes. The troll doesn’t reply but walks in to the room the best that he can. Jade begins to grow care about the condition of her friend, “What happened to you and why did you say ‘knock’ instead of knocking?” The woman had previously been preparing for bed after a day of exploring the ship and socializing with the other guests with organized games.

“Because fuck you Harley.” Karkat then moves to collapse on the large queen-sized bed. If he was more sober, the troll would see that their room is large indeed with an aquatic theme. The only thing that stands out is the roll-a-way bed in the room. 

The woman sighs, “Karkat you smell like alcohol and cigarettes.” Bec whines in agreement, so Jade moves to open the window. “What were you doing?”

“Avoiding you.”

“With alcohol I take it?” Jade quips. “You can’t do this every day.”

“You’re right because I already lost a lot of my drinking money today,” he slurs. “I’m going to bed.” The dog barks. “Why did you bring that beast?”

“He’s my family!” Jade defends. “There’s a dog park here for him to have fun at and it’s a chance to get away from the city for both of us.”

“That makes no sense. I want to sleep now.” Bec starts to bark again. “Will you shut him up!”

Jade forces a giggle, “About that . . . that’s where we are sleeping.”

“We? I’m not sharing the bed with you-“

“No we as in Bec and me. We’ve already claimed it, and we take up more sleeping space. I don’t think Bec is going to give it up.” The dog yips in agreement. 

“Well deal with it because I’m not-Hey what the!” Karkat stopped his sentence because the monster pulled on the troll’s ankle to drag him out of the bed. The officer’s head makes a loud thump on the floor. “I’m going to kill that dog. How the fuck does he even understand what’s going on?”

Jade covers her canine’s ears, “Don’t be rude! Bec is really good at understanding English and it’s not weird!”

“Your devil-beast should be put down.”

The woman glares and her dog growls at the troll, “Stop that. And I don’t think Bec is going to let you sleep on the nice bed; I don’t think he likes you very much at all. Though why should he when all you do is act like a jerk!”

Karkat growls back at the dog, “You know what? Fine! Anything to get that dog to shut the fuck up!” He picks himself up and moves to the spare bed. “Turn off the lights and let me sleep.”

“Don’t you want to change clothes?”

“No!”

In the morning after their dispute, Karkat Vantas finds himself with a horrible headache. He sits with Jade sharing a breakfast buffet courtesy of the cruise. Other attendees are acting in the stereotypical actions that can be assumed in their group types. The families are trying to control their offspring with neither guardians appearing to have any sleep. The groups of friends either have hangovers similar to Karkat or are acting loud and pretentious to the annoyance of others. And finally the romantic couples are disgusting all around them with coos and low-grade compliments while sharing food with their significant other. The troll sits with his large coffee and a plain bagel glaring at the dog who is getting bacon treats served from Jade’s own plate.

“You’re going to kill that dog,” he foresees. 

The woman frowns at him, “No I’m not! Bec is the best dog in the whole world. He’s a huge part of my family.”

“That’s so stupid, people who act like their pets are real family members are complete idiots. Your dog isn’t going to live forever Jade; especially not in a few years.”

“You don’t know about that,” she replies, “Bec has been in my family before I was even born.”

Karkat drops the bagel he was eating, “Wait that doesn’t seem possible. I don’t know much about dogs, but that thing should have been decaying for who knows how long. What the fuck do you feed it?”

“Him not it,” Jade frowns. “My grandpa liked to experiment a lot. He was close to finding the secret to eternal life and used Bec to test; which was successful, but obviously he didn’t figure it out for humans in time.” 

“And now you’re an officer. Way to live up to his status.”

“Are you always a butt head?”

“Everyone is a butt head Jade. Learn to fucking live with it like me.” Karkat takes a large sip of his coffee, “Now on to new business.”

“We’re having a meeting? I thought you were just insulting me and my dog.”

“That was part of old business Jade, try to keep up. Now I want you to stay as far away from me as possible. So find some other shit to do that I’m not involved in. That way we only have to see each other when we need to sleep. That’s not a lot of time together for us to spend killing each other. Isn’t that fucking perfect?”

The woman rolls her eyes, “I don’t think your plan is going to work.”

“And why the fuck is that?”

“Kanaya organized our schedules the same. You were too drunk to look at our schedules last night, but I did and they are exactly alike. I tried to change them around, but everything else is booked.”

“So we have to spend every moment of this week relaxing together?”

“Afraid so, or at least most of it,” Jade admits.

“That’s it; I’m going to kill Kanaya.”

“Now don’t be like that! Kanaya is really sweet.” She pulls out the list of activities from her pocket, “See our first activity together is . . . yoga. That should be fun!”

Karkat stares at her, “Well now I’m really going to kill Kanaya.”


	3. Chapter Three

Blue blood Vriska Serket slumps her way across Skaia mid-morning. She rubs her face wishing for a special energizing elixir to cure her of this aliment. This special fluid is preferably called a coffee, but sadly the spider troll does not have the spare money to purchase such a delight. Perhaps she can convince her good, gullible pal Jade to purchase her a cup with a few exaggerated tales of her health. Yes, Vriska thinks that will work perfectly fine.

She pushes past the front doors of Skaia Police Department walking past reception. Vriska cocks an eye at the troll behind the desk, Kanaya Maryam. A strange little thing Vriska finds her to be. Miss Fussy Fangs used to be nonstop talk trying to get the spider troll to have a small conversation with her, but as of late the little thing seemed more preoccupied in her own life instead of Vriska’s. The sleepy troll has spent little bits of time passing Kanaya in wonder on whether the receptionist’s persistent chatter is worth filling Vriska’s attention need despite the headache she would receive soon after. 

Vriska walks into the main area of the department where officers fly around preparing for any disaster to approach. It all seems very futile to the troll; these officers can’t possibly be prepared for any sort of situation, no matter how hard they try. Nonetheless, she pushes past them to her own small desk near her ‘bosses’.

Her neck cracks as Vriska prepares her speech, “Jaaaaaaaade! I’m soooooooo tired.” She crashes her head and arms on top of Jade’s desk to make herself known, “I think I need something; perhaps something to drink? Black and hot?” Vriska cranks her head upward to find her human friend not at her desk. “Jade?” 

“Jade’s not here Vriska,” informs Officer Captor from a little ways away. The troll works on his own paper work settling into the tune of things. “Neither is Karkat; they’re both on vacation remember?”

Vriska pouts, “Of course I remembered.” She slumps back onto her friend’s desk lonely for someone who still gave her attention she desired. Maybe she should pester Kanaya. “Where did they go again?”

“On a cruise,” Sollux reminds her not looking up.

The female will not give up so easily, “Isn’t that far away?”

“Sure,” he lisps.

“Jade doesn’t have a car so-?”

Sollux shakes his head annoyed, “She took the bus. And Karkat took Gamzee’s car,” he adds before Vriska could ask. “You know all this, Jade said goodbye days ago.”

“I know!” she picks up a pen from the woman’s desk and pretends to draw with it while still collapsed. “I’m just so boooooooored.”

“If you feel that way, then you can always help me with this shit-load of paperwork.”

Vriska squints her eyes, “If you’re not going to give me any real advice than just shut up mind your own business.” She grunts at the officer’s lack to give a shit about her. He returns back to his paperwork intent on finishing the load before the end of the day. 

The officer is able to get ten seconds of work done before the female makes a steal for his lenses. “What are you doing!” he shrieks slapping her hand away. 

“I want to try them on.”

“Are you two sweeps old? Back off.” Officer Captor leans back while holding his paperwork over his face.

“What’s the big deal? They’re just glasses!”

Sollux holds his position, “You’ll just break them.”

“Do you always wear those ugly things?” Vriska ponders leaning on Captor’s desk. “I’ve never seen you without them.” 

“They’re a prescription.”

“How can blue and red lenses be a prescription? Are you that obsessed with the dual-colors?” Another troll officer walks up to the pair to interrupt the argument.

“Hey Captor we have an accident on Boulevard Street,” she explains. “We are needed.” The troll she is addressing sighs.

“It shouldn’t take too long right?”

The officer rolls back her head irritated, “You’ve done this before, takes less than an hour.”

“True.” Sollux prepares for the accident. “I’m ready.”

Hours pass in the department as the blue blood tries to find something to do only to come up lacking. She even lowers herself to bother the chief in desperation. 

“Heeeeeeeey Equius!” Vriska bursts into Skaia’s Chief of Police’s office. “What’s up?”

The troll doesn’t bother to lift his head, “Go away Ms. Serket.” She huffs and closes the door behind her. 

“Now what’s up?”

“Go away Vriska.”

“Now that’s not nice,” Vriska saunters over to his large wooden desk covered in documents and pens. “Aren’t we friends?”

Chief Zahhak shakes his head, “Of what definition could we possibly be entitled ‘friends?’”

“Hmmmmmmmm,” she ponders leaning over his desk thus interrupting his work, “How about friend-enemies? Frimies? Or enemends? Wait I got it, frienemies!” Equius refuses to acknowledge her stupid hoof-beast shit. “Grub what is with everyone here! All you do is work.”

“Imagine that at a government facility.”

“Like with Cap-ass-tor,” Vriska continues without listening to his comment, “the guy spends all his time working. No wonder he’s such a looooooooser.” She looks up at her frienemie only to walk around the desk and sit on top of his work.

He sighs, “Vriska this is not a suitable condition for me to achieve my labor to its prime.”

“I got have a question.”

“And I suppose you expect me to provide some nature of an answer?”

“Do you know why Sollux wears those ugly specs?” Vriska leans in a little too close for comfort for the chief.

Equius dabs his neck a little with a dark blue handkerchief, “No. Why would you expect me to know the personal things of my officers? You know perfectly well that I keep a strict chief-officer relationship. I’ve never cared to get close.”

“I know that,” Vriska defends, “but you seeeeeeeem like you should know your employees’ secrets. It’s a way of control.” The chief turns back down to his work uncaring. “Speaking of secrets . . . How’s Aradia?”

“We are . . . apart for the time being.”

Vriska throws her head back with a laugh, “Ha! I knew this would happen someday! Well that explains why she’s such a bitch more than usual lately. What made this happy occasion?”

“She-“ Equius pauses for a second, “She wanted to come out about our relationship.” 

“That idiot! Oh my Grub! Did she think that would solve all of your problems?” Vriska stops to force the chief’s face to look at her, “Don’t you regret it? Should’ve stuck with me, right?”

“. . . Not at all.”

“What!?” She tightens her pinch around his jaw, “Are you happy that low blood dumped you?”

Equius gulps slightly sensing the sensitivity of the situation, “I value my time spent with her and I wouldn’t exchange it for anything.” The spider troll stares him down before she finds the truth. 

“You think she’ll come back. You actually think she’ll come back!”

“That-That’s not how it is,” Equius finds himself tumbling over his own responses after realizing Vriska is right. “Not even the slightest bit true.”

“Tell me, do you think she’ll come running to you with open arms? Begging you to take her right on whatever filthy spot you stand on? Then you’ll fuck and everything will be perfect again?” She bellows a laugh, “I told you Nepeta’s books would rot your brain!” 

He mutters something under his breath.

Vriska playfully kicks his chair, “Excuuuuuuuuse me? What did you say?”

“She’s better than you.”

“I’m sorry but I think you’re going crazy.” She continues her insistent kicking.

“Aradia is better than you Vriska.”

The female troll stops her kicking and looks slightly down on the troll, “What?”

“I know you Vriska. I practically raised you. And I don’t miss choosing Aradia over you.” Vriska cannot believe how he can defy her so smoothly.

“How dare you-“

“No. I’m tired of you hallucinating this world where you are superior to Aradia and me,” Equius stands from his chair giving quite a humbling distance in height between the trolls. “You haven’t changed from the wretched wiggler that I first met. You still cling to someone to keep you alive like a parasite, and bite anyone else. You clung to me, to that human, and now to Ms. Harley. I worry about her because you will ruin her.”

“It’s not like that with Jade,” Vriska argues. “She’s not like John or you. And I don’t need you anyways!”

Equius shakes his head, “You’re right, she isn’t like him. You still hold that man above her. You must cry every night hoping he’ll wake up one day and take you back despite your tainted mind.” Vriska shivers under his glare. “Well he’s not waking up Vriska. It’s been almost a year and he’s not waking up. All you’re doing is making him suffer while you wait for him. You should have euthanized him long ago.”

“He’s strong.” Vriska shakes her newly formed fists in front of her chest; a small streak of blood runs down her wrists. “John will wake up. We are strong, together. I promised him.”

“No. No you’re not.” The chief grabs her hands and forces them to relax with ease. “He might have been strong, but not enough to wake up. And you are not strong in the slightest. Why do you even try?” Vriska lowers her head refusing to answer. “Oh Grub Vriska, you didn’t. You’re responsible for his coma aren’t you? I swear if you hurt Ms. Harley-“

Without another word, Vriska silently gets down from the desk and returns to her own. She clutches her head between her knees trying the best she can to deny the troll’s words. All Vriska wants is to drown out his speech without showing weakness to the officers around her.

Someone makes a daring move to tap Vriska on the back, “Vriska is that you?” She does not respond. “Are you okay?” The spider troll barely recognizes the voice filtered through her pressed shut ears. “Should I get Kanaya here?” Wanting to avoid further attention for once today, Vriska rises up and swings her hair back.

“No I’m fine. All this paperwork just makes me want to pull my hair out.”

Her newly arrived acquaintance giggles, “Sollux tells me all the time about paperwork overload.”

“You want to take his seat Feferi?” Vriska offers.

The sea dweller takes a look at her matesprit’s desk, “Mmm no. I think it would be better to just stand. I’m waiting for Sollux to come for our lunch date.”

“He’s still not here?” Vriska examines the officer’s desk to find no changes made since he departed. “I guess that accident is taking longer time than he expected. Kanaya didn’t see him leave the front way soooooooo she probably couldn’t warn you.” Feferi smiles knowingly.

“I understand.” She takes a seat in Officer Captor’s chair, “So what’s new in Vriska’s world?”

The spider troll lightly smiles, “Nothing much. As amazing as my life is, it gets dull without Jade and the Doofus around.” She turns her head down and decides to take a chance coming back up, “How about you?”

“Honestly?” Feferi requests. “I’m not in my best right now. I think I’m starting to question my ideas on troll hierarchy. Maybe I was completely wrong. You ever feel like that?”

Vriska slumps a little in her chair, “Yeah it’s confusing stuff. But if you ever want to talk about it-“

“Haha!” Feferi falls back in her chair laughing. “Oh my Grub! I can’t believe you took the bait!” She continues to laugh hysterics. “I never knew you were so guppy-able!”

The spider troll looks at the bubbling troll, “Okay I’ll admit you got me. Nice job,” she ends smirking.

Feferi tries to control her laughter, “Nice to know we can do this around friends, right? Laugh away our problems.”

For a moment, Vriska considered telling Feferi that they are not friends. That she is stupid to say such things, but she doesn’t. “Your right, it’s nice around friends.”


	4. Chapter Four

“Alright Bec, zip me up!” Jade requests with a playful summer dress unzipped from her waist up. Her canine companion jumps on top of their bed and zips the outfit all of the way up. “Thanks!” She reaches to her suitcase to retrieve a jar of dog treats, “Who’s a good dog? Who’s a best friend?” Bec yips in reply as his owner delivers treats and kisses.

“Jade!” Karkat yells inside the bathroom, “Are you done yet? You better not be keeping me in here any longer than I need to!”

The woman makes a gaging motion to her dog, “I’m finished.”

Karkat steps out into his shared suite, “Finally. I can’t believe how long you take to get ready. I have to hide in that mildew to keep away from your bare ass.”

“Yes but look how nice we look,” Jade tugs on the shoulders of his shirt. “You look slightly presentable now. Maybe a nice little troll will be swept of their feet for you!”

His unpleasant facial expression shows otherwise, “Yeah that’ll be the day. Why do I have to go to this stupid high school dance again?”

“It’s not a high school dance!” Jade defends. “It’s the final night, so there’s a big party for all the adults. A chance to mingle and romance,” she fantasizes. 

“If the chance comes up then go to their room, and bring your dog,” Karkat orders. “I’m not going to have to leave my room because of your horny mind.”

Jade tugs on his ear, “Don’t be so crude!”

“And you know what Harley?” he continues. “I still don’t want to go. In fact I won’t.” Karkat turns to sit down on a stiff armchair. “Fuck this party.”

“All of the alcohol is going to be there.”

Karkat rubs his face, “Fucking damn it.”

The boat has a large ballroom with the purpose of renting out to: weddings, reunions, bar mitzvahs, and of course a party for the end of the cruise. The ballroom itself is stationed with a privately hired dj with a square sized, polished wood floor nearby, a bar with all the right fixings, and of course a noisy cruise director to make sure the ‘fun don’t stop.’ 

By the time the two vacationing officers enter, the area is already half-way filled. Parents especially came when the day care was announced to watch over the youngsters all night. The troll looks around the room to find his past time.

“There’s the bar. Drag me out when the shit-dig is done.” He moves to the alcohol; however Jade pulls him back by the collar of his shirt.

“I don’t think so. You should dance with me!”

“I don’t dance.”

Jade groans, “Of course you can. Everyone can dance, the quality is debatable though,” she adds as an afterthought.

“I’m not dancing Jade,” Karkat settles. “Just dance with these other pathetic losers and I’ll drink with drunken losers.” He heads over to the small dim area.

Karkat grabs a barstool and orders his first drink.

And at the bottom of the glass, he turned around to see Jade having the time of her life with some other people. Swaying her hips and throwing her head back laughing; a few particular male humans seem to be enjoying her company. For whatever reason it makes Karkat’s stomach tighten into knots. He should drink more.

“You and your girl get into a fight?” The troll turns around to a lightly intoxicated human nursing a cocktail. “I’ve been there friend.”

Karkat scratches his rough forehead skin with his nails, “She’s not my ‘girl,’ and we’re not friends.”

“Look buddy,” he shuffles over to wrap an arm around the troll, “I saw you two throughout this week. I don’t know what else you could be but fucking fuckers.” Karkat pushes the man away.

“Listen asshole, I was set up. I would rather be a thousand miles away from her, but I’m not.” His next drink arrives; Karkat picks it up and stands away from the bar. “For all I care, you can fuck her in your own room.”

He paces away from the man, the bar, the dancing, from Jade, and from the area itself. Karkat heads to the side railings of the boat. He leans over to look down on the crashing waves with a glass in hand. He remembers the pack of cigarettes in his pocket, but cannot feel the motivation to pull one out.

“Karkat?” The troll turns around to find Jade standing behind him curious. “What’s going on?”

The officer turns back to the ocean, “It’s nothing. I just need time to think to myself.”

“Oh. Should I leave you alone?”

He thinks for a second, “I’m a fucking horrible person.” 

Jade exhales relieved, “You’re not a horrible person.”

“Yes I am. Look at me and look at you,” Karkat still looks at the water. “You’re . . .”

“Please don’t call me perfect,” she interrupts moving to his side. 

“No I wouldn’t do that, you’re far from it.”

“Oh thanks, aren’t you the nicest person.”

“It’s not like that Jade,” Karkat runs his hand through his hair thinking. “You make mistakes, but you’re young and you’re learning.”

The woman smiles, “Well aren’t you?”

“Not fast enough, I’m too old. One of these days you’ll replace me and leave me in the fucking mud.”

“That’s not going to happen, and you’re not nearly that old!”

“Can you be sure I won’t get hacked off the board of the government’s fucking employment? I’ve fucked up so many times lately and I know the chief has a grudge against me.”

Jade shakes his shoulder, “He can’t hold that against you forever! Didn’t you say the divorce was mutual?”

“I . . I sort of lied like the asshole I am of course.”

“What?”

“I did something so horrible to Nepeta,” Karkat uses his free hand to hold his head up. “She is the most wonderful person. She kept the chief from firing me when I would have fucking accepted it.”

“Come on,” she nudges on his shoulder, “It couldn’t have been nearly as bad as you believe.”

“I cheated on her.”

Jade backs away shocked, “You what!?”

“Biggest mistake of my life,” the troll turns his head away to avoid her furious glare.

“Karkat. That’s that-“ she shakes her hands aggravated unable to conceive the situation. “How could you do such a thing?”

He slumps over the rail, “Way to be understanding Jade. Look I already told you how much a giant shit I was or am, you don’t have to nag me like an over-worked mother.”

Jade hums thoughtfully, “I guess, it’s not like I’m personally affected or anything. But I can’t believe you did that. I never would have figured you for a scoundrel.”

“I don’t try to be. It was all very confusing between me and Terezi-“

“Wait. Terezi?” Karkat begins to rub his brow to soften the irritation caused by his associate’s high pitch voice. “But she didn’t tell me this!”

“You asked her?”

“. . It came up. She just said you and Nepeta grew apart.”

The troll coughs raspy, “Ack! Well I can at least fucking appreciate Terezi honoring her promise to keep out of my business like our honorable officers to the underground crime.”

The woman ignores his sarcasm, “I-I don’t think I can even see you and Terezi . . romantic. You don’t even act like that to each other.”

“Well yeah we were never even into-“

Jade slaps the metal rail, “That’s it. Whole story. Now.”

“What?”

“There’s no escape, and you might not tell me later. I want the whole story now.”

Karkat lifts her hand from the bar, “Will you calm down. We don’t always get what we fucking want. You know that.”

“No, we have to cooperate, so I need to know you. I barely understand you now.”

He looks at Jade for a moment rethinking the situation, “It was late at night, and we were on a case. Terezi and I were never considering more than a friendship. We were chasing a thief in some sort of research lab, and he was getting away. Terezi was ahead of me and he threw something at her; chemicals I guess and Terezi got hit completely in the fucking face. That’s how she got blind.”

“Oh God,” Jade murmurs, “I never knew.”

“Right. Well I brought her back to the car to take her to the hospital, but Terezi is just so . . stubborn. She didn’t want to leave the case, so she had me try to wipe up the mess. So fucking stupid. We might have been able to save her vision; instead we now got Terezi sniffing and licking to find her way around. The most idiotic mistake I’ve ever made was not taking her straight to the hospital. And while I was cleaning her eyes . . .”

Jade’s face turns down disgusted, “In the car?”

“Don’t freak out, I switched the cop car with Sollux.”

“Okay then,” her face stays a little twisted. “But why? You said that you didn’t think of Terezi like that. Don’t tell me you had that stupid romantic idea of healing someone injured and having sexual tension.”

“Not exactly. Troll biology is meant to build up adrenaline mostly for the fights we used to experience frequently before being domesticated on Earth. That ability hasn’t died out yet, so Terezi and I had this build up with no way to relinquish it any time soon. So yeah our fucking lustful energy won over our own common sense. Afterwards we both realized how horrible it was.”

“Sex to burn off energy wasn’t good?”

“No. I dropped her off at the hospital and told her that I was going to tell Nepeta. She didn’t object.”

Jade slants her head surprised, “You told Nepeta just like that? Makes you less of a shithead I guess.” 

Karkat clears the back of his throat, “You know what, I never even told Nepeta about the whole adrenaline thing. I didn’t think it would make a difference coming up with a shitty excuse like that. She didn’t even want one.”

“How did she handle it?”

“Better than she should have. She wanted to work it out despite everything. Nepeta is probably the strongest person I know with the way she put up with me. We spent a month together afterwards; the chief was really suspicious then. We couldn’t look at each other in the eyes. It was over when she said she couldn’t love me anymore. I accepted it.”

“So that’s how it happened,” Jade resolves. 

“And a week afterwards, Terezi left the force. She said she had some sort of self-realization or some other fucking shit but she left all the same. For the best since Nepeta can protect me from the chief but not her. Terezi still likes to visit, but she seems happy with her new job. Huh, I just realized that we never did capture that thief.” Karkat lowers his head and brings it back up, “Fuck!” he yells at the sea.

“Hey!” a woman behind the officers shouts. They turn around to see a mother cover her child’s ears. “Watch the language!”

“Oh fucking deal with it you fucking piece of fucking shit. It’s fucking good for the fucking kid’s fucking education, fuck!”

The woman walks away in a huff dragging her young’s hand.

Jade gives a slight smile, “Way to be mature.”

“I’m so done with this trip.” He looks at the glass in his hand, “I need a refill.”

The woman steals the empty glass, “I think you’re done.” She loops her arm around his, “You’re going to have a dance with me.”

“No.”

“Yes,” she forces him along back inside the room. Jade returns the glass to one of the staff workers. The woman turns to face the troll and makes him put one hand on her waist and her own hand on his shoulder. She brings their remaining hands together and starts to sway. “Isn’t this nice?”

Karkat stays still, “No.”

“Look Karkat, you’re not as horrible as you put yourself down to be. I’ve made my own mistakes that I regret.”

“Fucking fantastic,” he squints his eyes, “we’re not going to have another intervention are we?”

“No, we’re just going to have a nice dance together so you can relax. Then we can go back to the room to sleep. We’ll get a full night’s sleep before we reach land again. And then we can go back to annoying each other. Deal?”

Karkat glowers, “Deal. I need to get back to make sure Gamzee hasn’t killed anyone; surprised his stupid turtle is still alive.”

The two sway together as the music continues and the night goes on.


End file.
